Comments for Moments of Change» Moments of Change: A psychotherapy blog on how people heal and grow http://blog.psytx.com Psychotherapy for the 21st Century: Questions Ideas Answers Fri, 27 May 2011 16:42:06 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 Comment on Attachment to Your Therapist by K http://blog.psytx.com/176/psychotherapy/attachment-to-your-therapist/comment-page-1/#comment-1423 K Fri, 27 May 2011 16:42:06 +0000 http://blog.psytx.com/?p=176#comment-1423 Thanks Steve! Interesting article. Send more if you know of any. k Thanks Steve!

Interesting article. Send more if you know of any.

k

]]> Comment on Attachment to Your Therapist by Becky Ocenacek http://blog.psytx.com/176/psychotherapy/attachment-to-your-therapist/comment-page-1/#comment-1306 Becky Ocenacek Sat, 07 May 2011 03:01:04 +0000 http://blog.psytx.com/?p=176#comment-1306 This has been the single most helpful thing I have read on attachment, and I am so grateful to you for it... I'm in my 40's; two years ago I started therapy for the first time - after my husband of 25 yrs was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I had never had any problems functioning or coping in my life before, but I couldn't accept this blow. My sister-in-law (a psychologist) insisted I enter therapy - I did, reluctantly, but I had almost an instant rapport with my psychologist. Now, two years later, I find myself so attached to this woman; it has been very, very unsettling. I read a couple of books on attachment to try to understand this better; I learned I have an avoidant attachment style (as does my mother) and had lots of pent up sadness and grief that I was not at all in touch with. But the therapy relationship has been scaring me so much as I feel increasingly out of control, crazy and miserable.... I have talked about this with my therapist and she has assured me it's not only normal but a positive stage of therapy, but my fear has been so great that I've been thinking "I have to quit...I can't let myself keep feeling like this...." and then I think "I can't possibly quit - what would I do without her?" and become quite despondent. This is where I've been the last week - so intensely. I have been helped SO much by what you've written. Now I have hope again. This has been the single most helpful thing I have read on attachment, and I am so grateful to you for it… I’m in my 40’s; two years ago I started therapy for the first time – after my husband of 25 yrs was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I had never had any problems functioning or coping in my life before, but I couldn’t accept this blow. My sister-in-law (a psychologist) insisted I enter therapy – I did, reluctantly, but I had almost an instant rapport with my psychologist. Now, two years later, I find myself so attached to this woman; it has been very, very unsettling. I read a couple of books on attachment to try to understand this better; I learned I have an avoidant attachment style (as does my mother) and had lots of pent up sadness and grief that I was not at all in touch with. But the therapy relationship has been scaring me so much as I feel increasingly out of control, crazy and miserable…. I have talked about this with my therapist and she has assured me it’s not only normal but a positive stage of therapy, but my fear has been so great that I’ve been thinking “I have to quit…I can’t let myself keep feeling like this….” and then I think “I can’t possibly quit – what would I do without her?” and become quite despondent. This is where I’ve been the last week – so intensely. I have been helped SO much by what you’ve written. Now I have hope again.

]]> Comment on Attachment to Your Therapist by Steve http://blog.psytx.com/176/psychotherapy/attachment-to-your-therapist/comment-page-1/#comment-1281 Steve Mon, 02 May 2011 01:27:13 +0000 http://blog.psytx.com/?p=176#comment-1281 There's a paper on attachment to the therapist on the bottom of this page: http://www.joeobegi.com/Site/Resources.html There’s a paper on attachment to the therapist on the bottom of this page:

http://www.joeobegi.com/Site/Resources.html

]]> Comment on Control by Marie http://blog.psytx.com/182/psychotherapy/control/comment-page-1/#comment-1277 Marie Sun, 01 May 2011 16:25:35 +0000 http://blog.psytx.com/?p=182#comment-1277 Very profound, inspirational and helpful. Thanks for taking the time to share your wisdom and knowledge. Very profound, inspirational and helpful. Thanks for taking the time to share your wisdom and knowledge.

]]> Comment on Attachment to Your Therapist by K http://blog.psytx.com/176/psychotherapy/attachment-to-your-therapist/comment-page-1/#comment-1235 K Fri, 22 Apr 2011 13:28:04 +0000 http://blog.psytx.com/?p=176#comment-1235 Hi, I'm the one who posted this question. And while I'm fully aware that I'm not ready for termination quite yet, I have made some significant changes in my life with respect to emotion regulation and my willingness to be vulnerable with my most significant relationship (hubby), and "termination" has been on my mind lately. This description is great for what happens in the room with respect to the attachment, but it gloses over the termination phase. More on that would be great... Thanks Hi,

I’m the one who posted this question. And while I’m fully aware that I’m not ready for termination quite yet, I have made some significant changes in my life with respect to emotion regulation and my willingness to be vulnerable with my most significant relationship (hubby), and “termination” has been on my mind lately.

This description is great for what happens in the room with respect to the attachment, but it gloses over the termination phase. More on that would be great…

Thanks

]]> Comment on What is Codependency? by William Heart http://blog.psytx.com/77/psychotherapy/what-is-codependency/comment-page-1/#comment-1213 William Heart Fri, 15 Apr 2011 22:45:11 +0000 http://blog.psytx.com/?p=77#comment-1213 Thank you for this definition. My sister struggled with codependency addiction for over 8 years, and is still recovering. She eventually ended up in rehab and was then diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder. My family attended Al-Anon meetings and did everything we could to support her. And since then we have learned a ton about codependency the hard way. This problem seems epidemic to me, although the word codependency doesn't seem to be well-known. All the symptoms you mentioned: anger, denial, control, were all prevalent in our experience as well. Thanks for helping educate the public about this addiction. William Heart Thank you for this definition. My sister struggled with codependency addiction for over 8 years, and is still recovering. She eventually ended up in rehab and was then diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder. My family attended Al-Anon meetings and did everything we could to support her. And since then we have learned a ton about codependency the hard way. This problem seems epidemic to me, although the word codependency doesn’t seem to be well-known. All the symptoms you mentioned: anger, denial, control, were all prevalent in our experience as well. Thanks for helping educate the public about this addiction.

William Heart

]]> Comment on Scarsdale Psychotherapy Self Test by i http://blog.psytx.com/scarsdale-psychotherapy-self-test/comment-page-1/#comment-1186 i Mon, 11 Apr 2011 06:48:34 +0000 http://blog.psytx.com/?page_id=114#comment-1186 I found the test difficult because I had to concentrate so hard on getting the yellow bars to behave themselves. In the end, I didn't think the answers were accurate because I was so distracted by the yellow bars and I didn't submit the test. Also I am not able to rate myself objectively about the seven tasks of psychotherapy and I think it requires objectivity, or at least an understanding of how far I have progressed and what is still achievable. The other questions require subjectivity, so I was satisfied with them. Perhaps the seven tasks questions could be broken down into smaller subjective questions that could then be used to interpret the extent to which the seven tasks had been achieved. Just a thought. I found the test difficult because I had to concentrate so hard on getting the yellow bars to behave themselves. In the end, I didn’t think the answers were accurate because I was so distracted by the yellow bars and I didn’t submit the test.

Also I am not able to rate myself objectively about the seven tasks of psychotherapy and I think it requires objectivity, or at least an understanding of how far I have progressed and what is still achievable. The other questions require subjectivity, so I was satisfied with them.

Perhaps the seven tasks questions could be broken down into smaller subjective questions that could then be used to interpret the extent to which the seven tasks had been achieved. Just a thought.

]]> Comment on The Seven Tasks of Psychotherapy by i http://blog.psytx.com/157/psychotherapy/seven-tasks-of-psychotherapy/comment-page-1/#comment-1185 i Mon, 11 Apr 2011 04:13:15 +0000 http://blog.psytx.com/?p=157#comment-1185 Thanks Jeffery I have been in psychotherapy for two years and have tried so very hard to make myself understood the whole time. It is more than seeking catharsis for me - it is also the "secret wishes and dreams … [that] are not given up but buried, waiting for eventual fulfillment" you wrote about. My emotional needs as a child were not understood or were ignored by my parents, and so I yearn for signs of understanding from my therapist about the effect that has had on me in the way I relate to others (panic and fleeing to retreat into isolation and disconnection), just as I silently yearned for signs of understanding from my father as a child (at some point, I must have given up on my mother as a source of comfort and help) ... please make it stop, please understand what it is doing to me. Silent pleading. Powerlessness. Perhaps thinking about the "secret wishes and dreams … [that] are not given up but buried, waiting for eventual fulfillment" will help to empower me, or at least keep me going. I will try. After all, it's signs of understanding that I yearn for ... surely that can be fulfilled. Thanks Jeffery

I have been in psychotherapy for two years and have tried so very hard to make myself understood the whole time. It is more than seeking catharsis for me – it is also the “secret wishes and dreams … [that] are not given up but buried, waiting for eventual fulfillment” you wrote about.

My emotional needs as a child were not understood or were ignored by my parents, and so I yearn for signs of understanding from my therapist about the effect that has had on me in the way I relate to others (panic and fleeing to retreat into isolation and disconnection), just as I silently yearned for signs of understanding from my father as a child (at some point, I must have given up on my mother as a source of comfort and help) … please make it stop, please understand what it is doing to me. Silent pleading. Powerlessness.

Perhaps thinking about the “secret wishes and dreams … [that] are not given up but buried, waiting for eventual fulfillment” will help to empower me, or at least keep me going. I will try. After all, it’s signs of understanding that I yearn for … surely that can be fulfilled.

]]> Comment on The Seven Tasks of Psychotherapy by Jeffery http://blog.psytx.com/157/psychotherapy/seven-tasks-of-psychotherapy/comment-page-1/#comment-1184 Jeffery Mon, 11 Apr 2011 01:39:12 +0000 http://blog.psytx.com/?p=157#comment-1184 I'm sorry, this is a known problem. The system works with the Mac OS, but not Internet Explorer. We'll fix it as soon as possible. Meanwhile, I hope the questions are of use to you. I’m sorry, this is a known problem. The system works with the Mac OS, but not Internet Explorer. We’ll fix it as soon as possible. Meanwhile, I hope the questions are of use to you.

]]> Comment on The Seven Tasks of Psychotherapy by Jeffery http://blog.psytx.com/157/psychotherapy/seven-tasks-of-psychotherapy/comment-page-1/#comment-1183 Jeffery Mon, 11 Apr 2011 01:29:58 +0000 http://blog.psytx.com/?p=157#comment-1183 Dear Reader, Your letter is really powerful. I completely agree with you that having someone feel what we feel is a fundamental need and the basis of much of the healing that happens in therapy. In therapy, especially when the things we wish for may be impossible, being understood in a feeling way is good enough for healing to take place. In my regular website, www.psytx.com in the first chapter of the course, I talk about "catharsis," which is just what you are talking about. It is also central in the book I am working on, but, unfortunately that is not ready for publication. Another writer who understands what you are experiencing is Diana Fosha. In her book, The Transforming Power of Affect, chapters 4 and 5 she gives a good description of how problems like yours get started and some about what to do. I am very glad that my blog has been of help and wish you the best with your therapy. Yours, Jeffery Smith, MD Dear Reader,

Your letter is really powerful. I completely agree with you that having someone feel what we feel is a fundamental need and the basis of much of the healing that happens in therapy. In therapy, especially when the things we wish for may be impossible, being understood in a feeling way is good enough for healing to take place.

In my regular website, http://www.psytx.com in the first chapter of the course, I talk about “catharsis,” which is just what you are talking about. It is also central in the book I am working on, but, unfortunately that is not ready for publication.

Another writer who understands what you are experiencing is Diana Fosha. In her book, The Transforming Power of Affect, chapters 4 and 5 she gives a good description of how problems like yours get started and some about what to do.

I am very glad that my blog has been of help and wish you the best with your therapy.

Yours, Jeffery Smith, MD

]]>